I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
