Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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