So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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