i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
