just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
