I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
