we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Semen is not good for contacts.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
