Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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