see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
