How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
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