you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
