I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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