Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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