i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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