is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You pole danced in your parka.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
