Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
