just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
