I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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