i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We are all done wearing pants today
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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