I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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