He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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