Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
