My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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