dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
