Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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