i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
