2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
do herpes really smell.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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