i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
