good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize