some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Randomize
