he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize