She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize