I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Randomize
