Moan for me like Helen Keller
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
