I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
