Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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