Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
