I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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