and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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