He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
How's work?
Spinning.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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