and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
