I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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