PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
