If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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