apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i think i have two assholes
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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