If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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