hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
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