She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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