I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize