I swear god or herbie drove my car home
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
