I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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