Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
