I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
