im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
