just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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