If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I've blown a few things in my day
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
