i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize