plz talk dirty to me
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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