god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
