i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
