so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
