Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
