We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
