Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
