One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
