So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
