i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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