Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
