She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
