Will you blow on my dice?
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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