i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize