I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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