Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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