check it out our google latitudes are spooning
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
