haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
