When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
