If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Randomize
