This is not my ceiling
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
