she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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